Where’s The Auto-Update For My Brain?
I just had the craziest, most jam packed months of my life. I gave birth at home after a complicated labor, began raising a child, started working again, and had to deal with a ton of health issues from loved ones. On days when I got to snuggle with my chubby baby and hit snooze, I felt like a billion bucks (cuz let’s face it, a million doesn’t cut it nowadays). On other days when my mom wailed in pain, when my husband was bedridden, and a messy household with unprepped foods faced me, I felt completely bankrupt.
Life’s been an intense whirlwind and I’ve been on this hunt. On a mission to prevent cancer, to cure illness, to cure disease, to live holistically, to be healthy, to be happy! There’s so many places to go, so many things to see, so many products to buy, so many subjects to learn. Go to church. Go to the hospital. Go to the acupuncturist. Go to chiropractor. Talk to the holistic nutritionalist. Buy the best vitamins. Don’t take vitamins. Take fermented cod liver oil! Reverse osmosis your water! Remineralize your water. Research your air. Eat non-gmo organic. Drink soursop! Soak your grains. Don’t eat meat. Okay, eat a little meat! Eat the organs. Don’t eat too much. Eat constantly. And the latest one, don’t use your cell phone too much and stop using your wifi! And stop smart meters or you’ll get crazy radiation. They cause headaches, nausea, thyroid issues, vertigo, and a whole host of other issues and could lead to death. HOLY SH**!
They’re everywhere. The demons. The free radicals. The greedy corporations. They’re out to get us and we have to keep away. There’s so much to solve but all I can think about is the pile of clothing in my closet. The pile of clothing that sits there…and the other pile of clothing I stuffed in underneath all my other clothes to hide it all out of view. I thought once I became a mom all my stupid flaws were supposed to go away. I was supposed to become this amazing person. I was supposed to know all the answers. How much is the baby supposed to eat at 3 weeks old? Let me just search my mom-oogle database and let you know….AH. That doesn’t exist? My brain isn’t set to auto update when the baby’s born? Sh**…how am I supposed to parent then?
I’m trying to be the best mom I can be with all the information available. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, to want to give up, and to ignore it all. But I can’t. The sickness, the pain, they just keep rising all around me. And there’s still new moms who need information about birthing that might not otherwise come across alternative information. I would have had a painful labor if other moms didn’t share their wisdom with me. I would have had a terrible time breastfeeding. I would have freaked out with the first diaper change. But I really didn’t. And honestly, it’s been a breeze raising my baby. And my labor? It was the most beautiful time ever that I want to be a surrogate. (Some parents may want to stab me for admitting that). I’m not here to show off. I’m here to say that I was scared shitless before I became a mom, but that’s why I asked questions. And miraculously, moms I knew all around me flocked to support me with little tidbits of information that helped save my sanity and the happiness of my marriage. Although it’s depressing learning about PBDEs in my couch or trihalomethane in my water, I can’t give up. It’s a fight to help bring balance and order to a world that is trying so hard to modernize, make money, and progress without taking the time to really monitor the harmful, long term effects of our decisions. If I give up, I’m giving up on myself and the world that my baby will grow up in. I can’t stop being optimistic for him. I can’t stop being optimistic for moms facing labor and the crucial first few days of parenthood. Because at the end of the day, I wouldn’t be here without the support of mothers around me and the support of a caring, passionate online community of mothers, fathers, activists, and educators. And so I must tread on…though there’s so much information to learn, so much to discern, so much to share, I can’t stop. I just have to organize just one piece of clothing at a time and eventually that closet will be clean (I hope).
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