Learning To Be Mom And Keep My Cup Full
7 months ago my role in life changed dramatically. Job titles come and go, but “mom” will forever be a part of who I am now. Before becoming a mom, I was a girlfriend, then a fiancee, then a wife. All these changes required deeper communication, maturity, resilience, negotiation, respect, patience, and understanding in order to maintain a healthy, happy life together.
I have to admit, over the last few weeks, my busy days got the best of me. A typical day started off with a morning feed for baby, rushing to get dressed and ready for work while keeping baby entertained, making breakfast for husband and I, leaving baby with our nanny, working my stressful 9-5 while pumping every 3 hours, getting home, cooking dinner, cleaning up and organizing the house, doing some laundry while bathing baby, getting baby to bed, and then falling asleep sometimes with makeup on because I’m just so tired and exhausted. I felt like I was drowning in this endless amount of work. On top of it all, baby has been teething and waking up every 1.5 to 3 hours in the night. I began to feel really awful about my workload and harbored bits of resentment towards my husband.
The thing about my husband and I, is that we’ve grown a lot in the communication department since we first started dating. Early on, we allowed jealousy, fear, insecurity, and misunderstanding to build up in our hearts until it would explode into unproductive arguments. It’s not easy to get to a root issue because it’s often sugar coated with emotions that are uncomfortable to discuss. I’m grateful we were able to have a mature, open and honest discussion a week ago. I needed it tremendously. I was overwhelmed and didn’t know why I felt bitter. When I expressed to him the difficult idea that I was resentful towards him, I couldn’t understand why I felt that way. I wanted to say he doesn’t help enough with the baby or around the house, but that’s not true. He does help when he can. It then dawned on me a week later that it was because I was losing myself and becoming unhappy overall. I wasn’t centered, my days were rushed, and I found no fulfillment day to day. I was hanging by a thread and the easiest route was to point an accusatory finger at the closest person to me, my husband.
My friend Dr. Shannetta Robinson shared this touching video by Jada Pinkett Smith about being a mom. Becoming a mom is life changing, and a lot of what our society tells us is that our lives are over and it’s all about the baby and family. However, I truly believe what Jada says is true. Moms need to first fill their own cup of happiness, so that it can overflow into their family. If mom is running on empty, she’ll start to point fingers and be upset at others for her own unhappiness.
This weekend I got a nice 2 hour break to see old friends. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder and a little distance from my fam definitely makes me appreciate and miss them more. I have my own dreams and aspirations, but I’ve got to balance them with mom life. My husband and I came to the conclusion that I need to take more “me” time. I’m thinking about swimming and doing yoga on a regular basis. There’s also this awesome Shiatsu Massage place I found nearby. I’ve gotta learn to take some “treatyoself” days. I’m just learning to figure this whole mom thing out day by day.
Latest posts by Mindy (see all)
- Toilet Train from Birth - August 12, 2016
- Calvin is Born: Medication-free Labor with Hypnobabies - June 21, 2016
- Is it possible to enjoy labor? - April 10, 2016