A Sobering Reality

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Before I became pregnant, the weekends were my time away from the mundane work week. I frequented concerts, art shows, bars, and house parties. Staying up until 5am, philosophizing about life, art, and music, was the norm. Going out on the weekends or occasionally midweek was just something my husband and I did. We were grown adults with no curfews and nothing to hold us back but our own livers.

March of 2013, I noticed my period had not come yet. I had been off birth control for a year and half at this point but tracked my ovulation cycle via My Cycles. To my relief, my period came in April. I assumed my cycle had just been thrown off so I resumed tracking my period. On May 30, 2013, I realized I was just a few days late again. I assumed I’d be a month late again and went about my day. I called a good friend up to go to the beauty supply store after work and briefly joked about how I could technically be pregnant. It was a complete joke as I was almost certain I’d be late just like the month before. However, my friend said, “I have an extra pregnancy test at home. Why don’t we try it out?” At that point, I thought, “well I know I’m not pregnant. But I might as well just take it.” There’s something fun about peeing on a stick and it telling you some type of answer. It’s like getting your fortune read or being your own little scientist. We made our way to my friends house and I took a quick little pee on the pregnancy stick. I followed the directions but was confused by the outcome. 1 line meant not pregnant. 2 lines meant pregnant. After I peed, I saw 1 dark line, and another faint line. What did this mean?! My friend and I rushed to the stater brothers around the corner. I bought 2 more tests—another analog type and then a digital one. We rushed back home and I peed on the analog one next. Again, the answer didn’t seem so clear. I felt like the lines that meant “pregnant” were just so faint. Then, I took the digital one. There was no going back at this point. I gave the stick my best little pee and in the next few minutes, that little digital screen popped up with the answer, “YES+.” First thought was, “HOLY SHIT.”

pregnant

I went through a process after I found out I was pregnant. It was first shock, then a period of processing it all, then acceptance, and finally excitement. One of the hardest things I had to face initially, was that my body wasn’t the same anymore. I tried going out for the first several months into my 2nd trimester. I went to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Modest Mouse, a bunch of music festivals, and art shows. As much as I wanted to believe I could still go out, I finally had to face the facts. Every time I came back from a night out my hips hurt, my legs were sore, and I finally started catching a cold. In addition, pregnancy meant no alcohol. While my friends freely ran around with beer and cigarette in hand, I sipped on my water muttering to myself, “well I feel better not drinking. this is great. i can still have fun”

Around 5 months pregnant, it hit me. This was the first time in many, many years, that I had gone months without any type of substance to “enhance” my night. I had to face my reality all the time—24-7. There was no longer a magical glass of liquor to unwind the week in just a few minutes.

I’m 8 months pregnant now and to be frank, I can’t wait to have my first drink after this is all over! Haha!

Mindy
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Mindy

Founder at Dymin Collective
Mindy Song is a mother of one, a video artist, and musician from Orange, CA. She is an advocate of social justice with interests in globalization, socio-economics, and the history of women’s rights in developing nations. By day she is a marketing specialist for a dental imaging company, milk pumper, and wannabe supermom. By night she is an asian fusion chef, art critic, and blogger.
Mindy
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